it will always be the town of your home

So many rounds to the airport to drop off departing friends. So many times having to look up at the dig board to check flight status.

There it is always.

A flight departing to New Delhi.

The name is enough to skip one of my heartbeats.

Everytime.

gems

an emptiness engulfs

and coils tightly,

around the heart

...the eyes moist slightly

when all you want

is your epitaph to read:

lived a nice and happy person,

you are slapped by someone of your deeds

the head is spinning

ears are ringing

there is a numbness

but it is screaming

screaming with reality

of what I have lost

of what was mine,

what I should have cherished the most

why are the lessons lost over time?

how many chances will life offer?

god gifts few priceless gems

but showered countless in my coffer

they'll shine for you;

they love you, they'll shine some more.

So, no matter how dark the clouds,

never lose the ones, you they adore

some i lost.

some i have.

some i threw,

faulted in judging value of many, perhaps.

Time to take this as the last lesson

life anyway gives only a few.

else, soon the last of the gems will slither away defeated,

all left then will be just you, you and you

Everything is fine

the wall was built

with good reason

little does one know

the ways of treason

surrepitiously,

the barrier fell

very suprisingly, it felt good

one could tell

after long

the sun shone

the feeling was like,

a king back on renounced throne

flowers seemed to smile

rains felt like little pearls

was i dreaming?

is this really happening again

but do the winds of change ever stop?

down they came

everything was expected,

except the speed of change

there is no stopping

the stream of tears

with them comes

a sense of fear

will this cycle never stop?

of seeing dreams with open eyes,

never daring to make them come true

when slowly the dream takes shape, a sinking heart realizes,

as always, it was too good to be true

you give some,

you get some

what goes around, comes around

never forgets to drive the message home

where does one go from here

the same paths?

that were trodden in despair?

sadly, the answer is yes

so wear the evening dress,

put up the smile, which says everything is fine

indifference is your best shield

start working right now

remember? you have a wall to re-build

the change agents

The change agents work faster than we think they do. Just when you think that you have figured out the next step in your journey (that too after months of deliberation), there comes that gust of wind which fogs the path which looked crystal clear just a few days back and clears up the path which was never to be trodden upon again.

What does it take for these agents of change to come swooping down on us so surreptitiously?

It can be a deep, deep longing for the magic touch, which hits you with an unexpected force; It can be a craving to walk down those familiar paths again, the same ones you never wanted to put foot on again; It can be a dormant desire to touch those faces you left behind, the desire you never expected to become active so soon;

It can be a person's casual mention of your beloved hometown; It can be a heart to heart with your mother after a long time which makes you realize that that is one friend which is always there for you; It is sometimes usurping of the physical spaces you gradually started believing to be your rightful belonging because of the precious memories they possess, and the fear that those memories will now fade away ...

Or sometimes all it takes is a hazy, fading dream of all those people they call family ....

winds of change

Four years of "I-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world". Four years of "Arre-yaar-koi-tension-nahi-hai". Four years of "complete-masti-and-no-responsibilities".
So much has changed.

... 3 Rs. ki banta has given way to expensive cocktails.
... The "kadai paneer, do naan" of Canteen have been taken over by exotic mexican and thai cuisines.... Metro and Chawla dhabba have been dethroned by jazzy pubs and lounges.... Haggling with rickshaw and auto waalas has become unnecessary since that new shiny car was bought.... Keeping in touch with friends through "missed" calls and 1 ps texts have long been dismissed by Gtalk and other virtual agents.... Deadlines for finishing copied and xeroxed assignments no longer seem Herculean tasks in front of meeting project completion dates.

I look out of my office window and see two laborers relaxing and chatting under a tree in a lush green lawn. They probably just got done with their work for the day. I see a long driveway, flanked by fountains, leading up to a massive building. The building isn't a red-brick structure though. The doors open and strong winds blow through my hair.

Some memories stir.

The winds bring the same soothing effect they once did. The greenery, the driveway, the trees feel the same, the way they did years back. There is an image in my head. A huge green lawn with trees and shrubs planted randomly. A lazy afternoon with a balmy sun. Sunlight playing with the leaves, leaving beautiful patterns on the grass. Plates with some unfinished food lie strewn. A couple of 20 year olds sitting under a tree, completing practical files. A few others, sleeping. Still others talking aimlessly.

Its a nice image.

down and out

I think the last comic strip did not cut across as funny. Is it?

I found it damn funny! Especially, Calvin's expression in the third slide is unmatchable! It is so innocent! The thought conveyed was exactly my thought that day.

Anyhow, getting ill is so not cool. More so when it happens bang in the middle of the night. That is because your woozy brain simply refuses to signal your eyes to open up until the moment the pains reach their unbearable level.

So, after fighting nausea, drowsiness, a pathetic and stubborn stomach ache and innumerable dashes to the washroom for some three hours, at 3 o'clock in the night, I was left with a nearly empty stomach, which, by the way, could give Usain Bolt a run for his money, and an upper back muscle pull from the previous day. Yes, all the different kinds of commonly found virus (bacteria, whatever; Ingluorious Basterds for me) chose precisely the very same moment to attack.

Oh no, wait. The one that induces high temperature and full body ache kind of got left behind. But not for long. Whats a few hours in the grand scheme of things, isn't it?

Now, I am the kind of person who associates doctors with nothing less than God himself. In fact, every time I fall really sick, one of my thoughts runs as: "I should have become a Doc, what the hell Am I doing being an engineer(its not like I am serving any good to anyone right now anyway!)". The fact that they bring you out of your misery is no small feat, right? So what if it is some common malaise. Because when you are in the middle of it, even a splitting headache drives you crazy.

I don't even have to go far. I have two amazing doctors at home who also happen to be my parents. So, when I see my mother awake alongside me the entire night trying her best to cure me, that mushy, gooey feeling drowns my heart completely. Maybe, what I said above makes more sense now.

Anyhow, I was pretty much bed-ridden almost the entire next day and had more than usual time to observe things around me. And more than usual time to observe myself. I realized how much I was craving for the company of my people at home and how much closer I felt to them. My routine post-office hours are mostly spent either on my guitar or on casual catching up with friends. Last things on my mind this time around. Wherein phone calls from parents are quickly disposed off (unfortunately with some irritation if the number of calls exceeds umm ..two with the topic of the calls being the same), every call, once an hour, from my mother to check up on me felt so bloody awesome.
As for my siblings, I'm blessed to have such a sweet and caring brother; rushing off to buy food edible for my pampered stomach, albeit a lil grudgingly. Can't blame him. Pressures of competitive exams! And my sister; I think I can take a lesson or two in patience from her. Even though she had a big exam the next day, she took so, so much care of me, chatting with me when I wanted and keeping up with my irritating demands; all the while keeping her studies aside. Though an important point to be mentioned is that the studies would have in any case not commenced before satisfactory doses of sleep, chattering over the phone, commenting on facebook status messages and watching an Upper East Side saga of love and betrayal (dear sis, don't kill me for this),
The two of them probably ignored what a high-headed and impatient big sister I sometimes can be. Even my mother, who sometimes has to bear the brunt of a rebellious 25 year old going through changes in her life .... Basically, the whole thing made me realize, again, how strong and unconditional the bond that we call Family, is. Its not that I am some loner who doesn't value it. I know that when the whole world will turn its back on me, I will always have these people to fall back upon. For me, my family and friends are the most important people in this world. Its just that, in this fast life and in meeting day to day deadlines, I sometimes take my family for granted because I just expect them to be There anytime I need them. And I know that I will be there as well anytime I am required. That's what families are for, right? These couple of days just gave me time to introspect. Since then, I am trying to be more aware of their needs and demands. I just hope this lasts longer than the last time the realization dawned.

To sum it up, in the words of Joey Tribbiani:

".... and there is nothing more important in the whole world .... than family"