Uncluttering

The mind is requesting for a pensieve ...

The body is begging for rest ...

.. And the heart, .... the heart is silently screaming to be heard ..

Its 12:30 am. An assignment needs to be finished. A quiz needs to be prepared. In the midst of all this, I realize what is missing. Its the tender touch, the warm hug that says "I know that times are tough. I probably can't make it go away, but I can make it easier for you with a hug. You are safe here"

Its the midas touch. Of your mother..

Stumbling, falling, getting up, moving

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going,
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.

I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

__________________________________

in Thoughts in Solitude by Thomas Merton

A thought for THE day

Sometimes you meet people that you connect with just like that .. Like on Day 1 itself. You have ten people standing in front of you, but somehow your eyes find them and simply, rest on them.

And slowly and unknowingly they creep into your life and take a special place. You become so used to their presence, that it is their absence that makes you realize their importance .. and well all you want is to care for them and wish for them to be safe.

They may not do bigg things .. its just the little and special things they do ... :)

Team Dynamics

So, the day I had unknowingly been waiting for finally arrived. That is another story that it took my room mate four-five attempts to wake me up on this particular day.

I was finally going to get to play ! And that too a team game, something I have rarely done. FYI, I am no sports person. I don't have medals to speak of. But, I love Sports. And yes, like loads of other professions that I could have excelled in, I have often dreamed about winning the Wimbeldon or an Olympics medal.

Move on to the day. There was going to be a throwball and a volleyball match. Throwball for the ladies and Volleyball for the men. All geared up to play for my team, Team Blue Monks ( Yaah, I knowwWWWW, its silly! ), I came to know that there was going to be some shuffling because of some missing team members. One of my team had to go to the other.

Numbers were assigned to every person. Whoever's number was called out had to play for the other team. I was assigned five. I went away to practice not expecting a five to be called out when there were Eight numbers to be chosen from. I mean what are the odds!

"FIVE", I heard a voice shout. NO !! This can't be. They call Not three ... Not seven .... FIVE !

With a funny feeling, I went to play for the other team. It was a sudden shift from what I was mentally prepared for. My solace? I was going to be playing with one of the best sportswomen I have come across, my room pal, Al Arab Ballafi.

Game 1 begins. Instead of going into the details, Ill make it easy. We were Royally screwed.

And then it happened.

God sent us an angel. An angel who was dressed in pink, truly representative of something called as 'Victorious Secret'. Yes, it was Vinnensota, our very own Mir Ranjan Negi.

Innundating us with his wisdom-ous wisdom, he pumped us up to play as a team, to shuffle players and to attack the other team on its Achilles' Heel. No later, tables turned. From being down to a very shameful score, we went ahead and took a lead in the score. There was a definite shift in the momentum and the team was visibly gelling together. There were hi-fi's all around and an urgency to defeat the other team.

And me? Well, Not for a split second did the thought come into my mind that I was actually playing against my own team. All that mattered during those few minutes was that I give it my best and get the team I was playing for, home.

We lost eventually, but not before putting up a big fight. The team (under the able guidance of our coach, Of Course) stuck together and fought well. As for me, I did not know exactly what to feel. I wanted to be happy for my actual team, but it was not that easy!

It was a Team Win, but a Personal Loss.

I got a good taste of team dynamics that day. Like I said, I have never played official team games. Except for the time when my two bodyguards ably defended me during PaintBall. That actually makes for another interesting story.

Anyhow, my team stands at position 2. The "Monks" are meditating ( Bah! ). Looking forward to more team games.

Till then, Adios !

A Thursday Night in International City

This is probably my seventh or eighth attempt at writing something after leaving home. Most were sorry attempts at writing something about the new world I was in. A few were for the heck of posting Anything on my almost-defunct blog.

This is another lame attempt. Actually, I just got done with revamping the look of my blog. Its a little too pink for my comfort but I guess I will make do with it for the time being!

Sooooo, its a Thursday night in Dubai; my only free evening in the entire week. Yes, its my weekend which will probably end in less than twenty-four hours. And in these twenty-hours am usually supposed to be partying, finishing assignments for the next week, catching up with family back home, doing the household chores and if some minutes permit, relaxing.

But then, its a choice I made. To leave my perfectly comfortable life and live this madness.

The madness of getting up every darn morning fully cognizant of the day that awaits me. The madness of meeting deadlines and making space for new deadlines in my already cluttered planner. The madness was at its peak in the first couple of months.

Has it reduced? ... I don't think so. I guess I have just become used to it! And what has become of the person?

Well, the person is definitely facing new challenges. The challenges of, say, living without proper meals! This slightly spoilt kid was fed proper breakfast every morning at home and special care was taken to customize food to suit my taste buds. Other stuff would gag me.

Not anymore. The taste no longer bothers me. I guess the parallel mental calculations of making it through yet another day have made my taste buds immune. Where my mom would take special care in cooking low-cal fat-free food for me, here I am living on junk, floating-in-oil food every single day.

I have learnt to live without a full-length mirror, of rushing out of my room in dripping, imperfect hair. Back home, I couldn't even dream about it.

My mom would get the shock of her life if she knew that the bed I am sleeping in probably gets cleaned once a week. Somehow I cherish that one minute of extra sleep I get from avoiding the chore. Sometimes, I end up sleeping on my books and clothes that litter the bed. Thank God for my angel roommate who at least keeps my laptop in a safe place when I fall asleep on it.

Yesterday, I finally found my hairbrush beneath my blanket. I had been looking for it for a week. Talk about throwing everything on the floor to find that missing thing. Trust me, its the easiest way to find missing objects in piles and piles of rubbish.

(Ok, that was a little bit exaggerated. I ain't that messy! Infact, I am quite a cleanliness freak. These are just a few side effects of a packed day :D )

So, right now, I have a laundry to take care of, a snack stock to be refilled, a research project to be done and a dance performance to be practiced upon, when all I want to do is pick up a guitar and learn this song I reall...ly like.

Sighhhh ... unfortunately life ain't that sweet. But then, am I complaining?

Hell, no .

uh-oh

So, I have picked up my guitar after some 30 days.

Thirty ! That is a lot if we consider the practices and the "singing" running into late nights and early mornings prior to that time.

I hit a chord. The sound is strange to my ears. The pain in my fingers ain't encouraging. And if all this is any indication, I don't wanna think of how it would be six months from now.

So basically picking up my guitar to shake off some sad, scary thoughts was not such a good idea. If anything, the count just increased by one.

sigghh ... looks like the search for a cathartic agent will go on ..

Flavors

I have been feeling too buoyant today. And with good reason! The light drizzle since morning has been gently tip-tapping against my office window. A walk around my green campus, in the gentle wind has taken my usually high spirits even higher.

And now, I have come across this ... sitting pretty, all tied up together.

I have been staring at this bundle of joy for almost fifteen minutes, intermittently switching to my boring, grey linux terminal. It perfectly sums up the flavors of my day. The sweet, earthy smelling browns sprouting with the abundant greens, which are bathed in the water droplets falling from a light grey, cloudy sky; a sky punctured with dashes of various yellows of the sunlight..

Now if only I could feed my taste buds ...

a prayer and a thought

My brains have been hibernating these days. With a major backlog of sleep from the previous week, I have almost resembled a walking zombie. Anyhow, I thought of catching up on a movie last evening. A better option would have been to turn on a rom-com, which I could have seen even with my eyes closed, but instead, I chose to go for this complex, use-your-head sci-fi. No wonder my zapped out brains turned my eyes off somewhere during the all important climax.

Morning arrives. The realization of missing out on the ending (I don't like leaving movies half-seen) and the craving to watch it, dawn. A quick prayer goes up "Dear God, please make my car pool guys late by 15 minutes". It was a HUGE shot in the dark, by the way, since these guys are punctual to the point of being painful, and I mean Real painful. That's another story, but. I get ready and wait for that godforsaken call, any second now. Temptation takes over and I start the movie. A minute of the climax if nothing else, maybe.

Five minutes go by. No call. Eight. Ten. Twelve. Could this Really be happening? Movie ends. Credits roll. The phone rings.

**Drumrolls** Prayer answered! Thank you Lord for making something that hasn't happened in months, happen!

I pick up my bag (I haven't changed it yet). A thought that usually enters my head at times like these, enters: "Kya yaar, kuch aur maang liya hota toh shaayad woh bhi mil jaata!!" Usual greediness at work, I know. I start thinking: Simple prayers like these sometimes get answered so instantaneously, they totally make your day. You just got to wait a we..e..ee bit longer for those paramount life-altering ones (admit, job, life-partner). Maybe, it takes that bit longer because what you want may not not always be what is right for you.

With that thought, I leave my home, smiling.

Simple Things

We all have our special moments and our special people that give us immense happiness; be it a pay-off for our hard work, a work assignment performed well, close friends, family etc. Apart from cherishing these precious memories, isn't it equally important to appreciate the everyday miracle that life itself is?

Amidst our mad rush to meet everyday deadlines and making it through the challenging and competitive times, we sometimes forget to stop, and simply look around us in awe; look around at this world which survived eons of time to be what it is today; look at the freshness of the green trees, the crystal blueness of a cloudless sky, the mysterious aura of the twilight settling in; look up at the heavens at those millions of spheres revolving around one another in perfect balance, all part of a perfect design.

There is a colossal sense of wonderment and amazement when we really go deep into 'trying' to understand the complex (and yet so simple) machinery that is making this planet and million others like ours, tick harmoniously. This itself makes everyday and anyday worth living for. We are so used to these things work for us so perfectly, that you and I sometimes just take them for granted, somethings as common as the working of the human body or the mere existence of life!

If we really open up our eyes and start Looking, small events happen all the time around us, something like listening to a completely new song and realizing that you can figure out the strumming pattern; walking that extra mile as an excuse to get drenched in the first rains of the season; watching, the next morning, two pigeons peck in the puddle of water left from the previous day; managing to sing a very low-scale song without wanting to murder yourself; that guy who is about to peck his girl's cheek, but stops abashed when he sees you smiling at them; buying a dozen ice candies just for yourself and your sister, and then licking them at one in the night; watching that motorcyclist jump a light when the traffic cop looks away to stop a similar offender; the stray dog which wags its tail at you on a display of affection; staying awake for two extra hours to master that song you love on your guitar, fully cognizant of the disastrous effects of sleep the next day; making it through that next day; pretending to work while actually writing this post.

After all, it takes just these simple things to make us smile. Who needs to wait for some major life changing event to make us happy? Why let the days go past us in that wait? Why not find one such moment everyday, a moment which gives us that sense of innate happiness and peace and brings a smile on our face, the one that comes from within us, from somewhere deep within our hearts? Its not that tough, you know!

Look around you. This world is scattered with millions of tiny specs of beauty which have the power to make every single day beautiful and your stay here on this wonderful planet all the more worthwhile.
They are simply waiting for your attention.

Bag this

For months I had wanted a new bag since the one I was using had only one compartment and one small pocket. To find something as regular as my wallet was like opening a Pandora's box. Infinite things popped out, some of which I assumed I had misplaced for sure. Everything had to be turned upside down to reach down to that slinking object in question.

I have a new bag now. This one has three compartments and four extra pockets to segregate all my belongings which are Huge in number, by the way. All my things are now compartmentalized in an ordered manner; medicines in one; important papers in the other etc. Its Just that now I forget which pocket I kept a certain object in. Remember how the last key in a bunch is usually the right one? Keys love to do that to me; and in this case, the pockets pick up from where the keys let go. My new battle involves unzipping and zipping back the multiple pockets to find that slinking object in question.

Suddenly, the idea of one compartment doesn't sound that bad. I think I'll change back the bags today.