Sometimes there is so much happening in your life that it takes one fine day to realize that a significant amount of time has slipped away, without you having the faintest clue of how and where it went away. You are supposed to have aged but you don't feel it. 10 months back you were going to office, working your a** off, coming back home, fixing yourself a meal, catching up on stuff (if time permits), sleep off to start another similar day and then letting your hair down over weekends. The usual work life routine. Days go by like this. Ten months later you are still going to office, working your a** off, coming back home, fixing yourself a meal, catching up on stuff (if time permits), sleep off to start another similar day and then letting your hair down over weekends.
Does something change during this time? Something does. Something intangible. I have felt it, I feel it. Is it feeling aged? Am not so sure. Even though every birthday post my twenty fifth has been spent lamenting on me being pushed to the terrorizing figure of 30, I am back to routine within a few weeks. So, I can say that it is not exactly the fear of growing up. I think it is what growing up forces you do.
Take decisions.
Not to decide which new restaurant to try out tonight (which is one the hardest things I have to do), but to decide upon stuff which can be life altering. And with every such milestone I cross, I look back and suddenly the previous decision looks like a cakewalk. I know, the usual restrospective thought process.
Another thought which is not so comforting is that suddenly the stakeholders (or their number) involved in the decision making/affected by the decision, increases. You are no longer deciding for yourself. Soon, it will be time for you to take decisions for other "human beings".
Human beings.
Life, you are not making decision making any easier. The thought of being responsible for other lives is mildly discomforting. Whoever said growing up is fun, lied. I wanna be that schoolchild again who was scolded by her parents, bullied by siblings and was told what to do and what not to do!
Phew, life was so much simpler when I was a kid. And the only thing I wanted to do back then was grow up. Boy, does the 16 year older me wants me to go back and tell the 10 yr old me:
We screwed up, stay there !!
